Attention Knicks Fans: Your Franchise Doesn’t Give Two Fucks About You

The Knicks don’t actually give a fuck about winning or their fanbase. And it’s disgustingly obvious.

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Since I was a little kid, I’ve basically been an avid supporter of every New York team. Giants, Yankees, Rangers, NYCFC, etc.

With one exception: I’m a die-hard Boston Celtics fan.

Now, there are a couple of reasons for this. Growing up, the C’s tandem of Garnett, Pierce and Allen dazzled and amazed my little mind to no end. Watching them win all in 2008 and seeing the look on KG’s face when he had finally won the trophy so many said he would never win was, to me, one of the moments that remind me why I love the game of basketball. (They would’ve won plenty more had their coach not been the most overrated and downright bad coach ever, by the way. Why does literally no one talk about that? Doc Rivers is a fuckin’ fool)

 

But I digress. I fell in love with the Celtics for their subtle-but-sharp style of play, the heart and pride that everyone in the Celtics organization oozes, and the overall winning mentality that permeates their entire franchise from the front office to the janitors and ball boys. But there’s one other VERY good reason for my allegiance to the green and white.

They Aren’t The Fucking Knicks. 

That’s probably the best reason for doing anything ever. I have as much hate in my heart for the Knicks organization as I do love for the Celtics organization. I have never liked the Knicks and there is an overwhelming possibility that I will carry that hate with my to my grave. I. Hate. The. Knicks.

Now, just to clarify, I’m mostly aiming my hate at the front office and Phil Jackson. Sure a good amount of their fans probably while away the hours racially abusing subway drivers on their way to their nine to five at the local Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., but I can’t really write an entire article about that. I actually have a friend who happens to be a Knicks fan, and he also happens to know a good deal what he’s talking about. And speaking to someone that doesn’t keep repeating “deadass” whenever I say the triangle is actually just a bunch of b.s. has allowed me to see what goes on in the minds of sensible Knicks fans. And it’s basically just what goes on in the mind of dumb Knicks fans, except they can actually articulate and identify the reason for their discontent, rather than exclaiming, “Phil Jackson is a fucking dumbass fucker!” every time Joakim Noah misses a free throw.

I was watching the NBA draft while texting in a group chat with said friend, and in the weeks leading up to that day, he (the friend) had wanted the Knicks to draft either NC State point guard Dennis Smith Jr. or sharpshooter Malik Monk out of the university of Kentucky. Either pick would have been more than solid. In fact, draft analysts had projected either of those two to go to the Knicks with the 8th overall pick in the draft anyway. So we watched Philly take Fultz and LA take Lonzo. Routine stuff so far. Then me and my other C’s buddies watched Boston made the safest (and best) pick and went with Duke 3 man Jayson Tatum. Then Jackson to Phoenix. Fox to Sac town. Still no cause for alarm. Isaac and Markkanen had been selected by Orlando and Chicago, respectively. And then the ol’ Knickerbockers were on the clock. My friend was worried that the Knicks would do something remarkably stupid like trade Porzingis or the pick for players or picks of lesser value; suspense was definitely in the air as the commissioner walked up to the podium, envelope in hand. The air was calm.

And then the commissioner Silver read the pick. And I could feel the earth tremble.

All at once, millions of voices cried out in terror, and then were suddenly silenced. (I’m a big Star Wars guy)

Needless to say, the pick was bad. It was Luke Walton as a player bad. Whenever you can’t pronounce the last name of your top draft pick without sounding like you’re developing some sort of early-onset speech impediment, you know it was the wrong move. In case you somehow didn’t know, the Knicks picked Frank Ntilinkia (I’ll bet my next paycheck Phil Jackson can’t pronounce that fuckin guys last name either) From France (Phil: “Dolan! DOLAN! Tony Parker is from there! Can we pleeeeease get him? Pleaseeeee? *Dolan: Phil, I’m at a concert. Don’t call me again. *Phil: But don’t you wanna decide who we should pi-*click*) with the 8th overall pick. My friend was beyond stunned. He couldn’t believe that his favorite team would take a raw, underdeveloped foreign player instead of a well-documented player like Smith Jr. or Monk.

But I could. Because they do it all the time. And that brings me to my next point.

Remember David Lee? He was a baller in the orange and blue. Always hustling for rebounds, posting nightly double-doubles; he was the quintessential blue-collar player. And then the Knicks decided they couldn’t pay his salary and let him go to Golden State. Wilson Chandler was a solid player in the Big Apple when he was shipped away in the Carmelo trade. Jamal Crawford averaged 18 points per game over his 5 seasons as a Knick and could have given Melo some much needed support. Nate Robinson and Zach Randolph also come to mind as players who made a significant impact in New York and then were let go. Even though you can’t really point to any of these players and say they could single-handedly make the Knicks better, you have to consider two things: 1. the state the team is in now, and 2. that some of these players were released or traded away in order for the Knicks to afford Amar’e Stoudemire’s ludicrous 5-year, $100 million dollar contract, which today is considered the worst contract in NBA history. With those two things and my previous point in mind, you can come to one very simple conclusion:

The Knicks don’t actually give a fuck about winning or their fanbase. And it’s disgustingly obvious.

Just look at the trades and signings they’ve made in recent years. Washed up players like Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah that are past their primes due to age or injury but still are big names. Who actually thought that trade would have any effect on the teams record whatsoever? Who thought signing an aging, injury prone big man who rode Steve Nash to relevance deserved a $100 million dollar contract?  Who thought the Melo trade would instantly put the Knicks in contention? I sure as hell didn’t buy into any of those.

This is why I can’t be a Knicks fan. They don’t sign players so they can win, they sign players to keep ticket sales up. Not being a doormat for the rest of the league has never once occurred to them because James Dolan still makes absurd amounts of money no matter what the teams record or where he is on draft night. (He and his blues band were playing a concert on draft night. Real shit.) And when it comes to Phil Jackson, he won’t be touched because he’s the perfect human shield for Dolan. Bad roster move? Traded Porzingis for Beno Udrih and a second-round pick? Hired Metta World Peace as head coach and signed him to a lifetime contract? Darn, that silly Phil Jackson is at it again. Nobody in the Knicks front office, especially James Dolan, wants him to leave because he makes the whole charade seem believable. They draft badly. They trade badly. They sign badly. They still make money. If the New York Knicks were an investment firm or an insurance company, the entire front office would be in jail for fraud. And that probably isn’t even an exaggeration.

So Knicks fans, the next time Phil Jackson does something you’d only think possible of a 10 year old playing MyGm on NBA 2k17, don’t be surprised. Just know that the Knicks and James Dolan are a scam, and you’re a part of it.

Oh, and while you’re at it, find a new team.

If You Hate Kevin Durant, Chances are You’re a Massive Pussy

Just because he didn’t stick around in OKC doesn’t mean he didn’t earn his way.

So there I was, sitting there on my couch with popcorn and Sprite in hand, eagerly watching the crucial game 5 that eventually would eventually bring the Bay area its second NBA championship in three years and former MVP Kevin Durant his first. It was really a sight to behold.

Just kidding. I was fucking asleep. That shit was on at like 11 at night and I had stuff to do. Like sleep.

But when I woke up, I looked at my phone and saw “Golden State Warriors win their second NBA championship in three years, defeating the Cleveland Cavaliers 129-120 in Game 5” and I thought to myself, “Wow, to be able to watch two all-time greats in LeBron and KD is really something special.” (I mean, I watched games 1,2 and 3 but since they’re on so fucking late I unfortunately have to carefully monitor my greatness watching intake). I was happy that one of the filthiest players of all time finally captured his elusive title, as LeBron did back in 2011 when he beat Durant and that stacked OKC team. I had hoped beyond hope that this ring would at least curb some of the KD hate and finally, finally people would start to respect him just a little.

And then I went on instagram, and as I scrolled more and more through each horrendously worded comment, my frowny face got frownier and frownier.

“KD dumb idiot loser l0l XD” “KD a snake” “You’ll never be the best” “#Earnednotgiven” “Kevin Durant broke the NBA” “KD your so faggot lol haha”

It was like it went on forever. Instead of people finally shutting up about how much of a “snake” he is, it was like the hate had been multiplied by the combined IQ of every professor at an Ivy league university. It was mind boggling. “Why does it have to be like this?” I pondered to myself.

Oh, that’s right, I remembered, because people love to hate everyone great that isn’t named Michael fucking Jordan.

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And before I start gunning people and their shitty opinions down like the airport scene in The Matrix, I’m going to take a step back just to clarify my stance on this issue. If you just simply don’t like KD or don’t necessarily agree with his move, totally cool. Understandable. No one can be 100% popular. (And as he said that, he was brutally murdered in the comments by a horde of millions upon millions of middle school rec-league ball players, all exclaiming ‘But what About Michael Jordan?!?! He hit so many dunks and three pointers! He’s the goat! I watched all of his highlight reels on YouTube! I have his $300 sneakers! You’re so fucking gay!’)

But, that being said, if you say that you HATE Kevin Durant, that you absolutely despise him for stabbing the oh-so innocent Oklahoma City Thunder organization and butt-buddy for life Russell “Brodie” Westbrook (shittiest nickname of all time, by the way) in the back, then I have absolutely no respect for you as a person. I genuinely hope you get a super bad cold that lasts for the rest of your life. Either your logic or sense of basketball is incorrigibly flawed, or you’re too young or stupid or both to understand that the NBA is a business. And by the end of this article, You’ll be relieved that you can finally take off your skirt and makeup because you’ll have seen the truth. (If you physically do have a vagina, then you’re probably not reading this blog anyway)

To start, I’m going to list all the main points that people bring up when they say they hate Kevin Durant, and then explain in detail about how said reason is a bunch of horse doo doo. Let’s get started.

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1: Kevin Durant betrayed OKC. 

Now, this reason is by far the most childish and the one I see the most on social media (Other than the half-baked notion that he’s soft, which just isn’t fucking true, but more on that later) so i’m going to start off with this one.

The. National. Basketball. Association. Is. A. Fucking. Business. Period. That should be all on the matter right there, but alas, people need things broken down to them in simple words preferably less than three syllables. First of all, the Oklahoma City front office betrayed Kevin Durant, not the other way around. By trading James Harden, at that time the reigning Sixth Man of the Year and who is now currently a perennial face in the MVP ballots, to the Houston Rockets for, and remember, they actually thought this would pay off, Kevin Martin and Jeremy Lamb along with a second round pick. This isn’t a trade where people go “oh, well in hindsight it wasn’t the best idea” it was just a fucking dumb trade. And by going through with said trade, the front office basically said to Durant and everyone else, “well, we got to the finals, and that’s basically as far as we’re going to get so you guys can just sit here and jerk off or whatever for the next few seasons until you realize we don’t actually know fucking anything about how to do our jobs.” If I was a generational talent who was managed by a front office that probably just sits in their offices all day making pillow forts, I’d be out.

2: Kevin Durant betrayed Russell Westbrook.

Who fucking cares? If I had to play on the same team as Russ for 5 minutes, I’d be gone faster than the time it takes him to turn the ball over 12 times. Seriously, the guy is a fucking blockhead when it comes to making basketball decisions. Also, he kind of just looks like one in general. Dudes fashion sense suuuucks. Durant reportedly was angry with Westbrook’s style of play, and who can really blame him? Russell Westbrook is a self centered player who is unfit to lead and light years away from being a championship caliber player. (Middle schoolers: But wyan! Twiple dubble whole year! Bwodie the bestest! MVP!)  Just look at the stats from this past NBA season. (Oh, and by the way, if you try to counter with Russell being a one-man team after Durant’s departure, you’re just proving my point that their front office is full of people who are the closest possible thing to being disabled without actually being disabled) According to ESPN, Westbrook led the NBA with 6 turnovers per game this season and has a 3.9 average for his entire career. Add the fact that his usage rate was an astonishing 41.7% per FOX Sports, well higher than the player in second on that list, DeMarcus Cousins, who’s usage rate was 36.3%. Not very efficient there, killer. top it off with the fact that he lead his team to a mediocre 47-35, earning a 6th seed and getting bounced in the first round, and his historic triple double season suddenly loses some of its shine.

3: KD didn’t earn his title.

35.2 points. 5.4 assists. 8.4 rebounds. Clutch shot in game three to essentially ice the series. And cap it off with a finals MVP. If that’s not earning something then fuck man, why does everyone try so hard at everything? Listen, just because he didn’t feel like sticking around in an organization and city that clearly lacked and continues to lack the desire to win (If you watched one minute of the Western Conference finals last year, or any other OKC playoff series ever for that matter, you know what I mean) doesn’t mean he didn’t earn his way. In fact, it shows that he’s willing to take the necessary steps to make his dream of winning a title a reality. And if you think he didn’t spend every day of his life from April to July working his ass off in the gym, getting shots up, practicing and polishing every piece of his game down to the finest detail in order to experience what he did last Tuesday; then you just don’t know what a true competitor looks like. Simple as that.

Oh, and while I’m at it, The 2008 Celtics (believe me fellas, it hurts me way more than it hurts you) signed 2 superstars, Garnett and Allen, to make their championship runs. The 2011 Heat signed Wade and Bosh, with Allen eventually joining as well and still counts as a big-time signing, despite Allen being in the twilight of his career. The 5 Lakers championships in the aughts came off the backs of Shaq, Gasol, and Odom. (Technically I could even put Kobe on this list, since he was traded to Los Angeles on draft night, but I’m a nice guy) Cleveland had to sign or trade for the vast majority of their 2016 championship team; Love, J.R., Iman, Timofey Mozgov (Hahahahaha fuck you LA), and Delly all were signed or traded for. But the Warriors? The big, bad, cheapskate Warriors? They only signed one superstar. The rest they drafted. And people give them this much shit. Think about that.

4: Kevin Durant made the NBA unfair.

Okay, this one is the one I hate the most. Kevin Durant did not break the fucking NBA. And nobody sums it up better than the man himself. In a story published by Sam Amick of USA Today, Durant gave his haters a piece of his mind, saying, “Like I’m the reason that fucking Orlando couldn’t make the playoffs for five, six years in a row? Am I the reason that Brooklyn gave all their picks to Boston? (I fucking love you, Danny Ainge) Like, am I the reason they’re not that good? I can’t play for every team, so the truth of the matter is I left one team. It’s one team that you probably thought would’ve been a contender. (They weren’t) One more team. I couldn’t have made the entire East better. I couldn’t have made everybody else in the West better.” And I couldn’t have said it better myself. Just because your team probably sucks isn’t Durant’s fault. Your team just sucks.

5: Kevin Durant is soft.

This one kinda just makes me laugh. If the stat line for your whole career reads 27.2/7.2/3.8, you’re not soft. You just aren’t. To survive and thrive in the NBA is extremely hard to do. This isn’t the late 80s and Bill Laimbeer retired decades ago. (sadly) The game has become softer. The age of jaw-breaking elbows and career-ending shooting fouls are mostly a thing of the past. You don’t need to be a Laimbeer or a Rodman to be a good ball player. You just have to have heart and skill. Something Durant arguably has as much of, if not more of than anyone who came before him and anyone who will come after.

Conclusion

So there you have it. The top 5 KD hate points have been put to bed. Hopefully now everyone will come to respect this scrawny motherfucker who loves his mom way too much. In the end, I just want people to realize before it’s too late that they’re hating on a once in a lifetime type talent instead of being in awe of him playing the game that he loves and worked so hard to be the best at. We spend way too much time giving people shit and putting players down for the things they do, and sometimes we don’t give them enough credit for what they did right. In short, Kevin Durant is not a bad person, or a pussy, or a softie, or a snake, or a bitch, or a backstabber, or a fraud.

For the first time in his life, he’s a winner.

 

 

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Time to Stop Fucking Around: LeBron James Is, Was, And Always Will be Legit.

So many times LeBron James has been shafted by the collective media and fans. Too many times. An uncountable number of times. We’re here to tell you why it’s bullshit.

May 25th, 2017.

Former Akron, Ohio native, high-school phenom at St. Vincent-St. Mary’s and current NBA superstar LeBron James passed his childhood icon Michael Jordan to claim sole possession over number one in all-time playoff scoring while leading his team to a convincing 135-102 victory over the 1st seeded (and eventual 2018 NBA champs, you heard it here first, folks!) Boston Celtics en route to his seventh (!!!) consecutive finals appearance.

Now, if literally any other player ever had done that, you’d all be shitting your pants. ESPN would erect a 400-foot tall monument, and Skip Bayless would be saying some dumb shit about much of a “gamer” this guy is (yeah, he actually said that about someone. Tim fucking Tebow, no less). This NBA god would be given unlimited blowjobs from everyone working at Fox Sports to ESPN, and revered by everyone among the basketball community. After all, that’s the way it should be. A monumental achievement like this one definitely deserves credit with a side of under-the-desk hand stuff from the sports media. Greatness, in any part of life, deserves to be celebrated.

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ATLANTA, GA – MAY 20: LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers reacts in the final minutes of their 97 to 89 win over the Atlanta Hawks during Game One of the Eastern Conference Finals of the 2015 NBA Playoffs at Philips Arena on May 20, 2015 in Atlanta, Georgia. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

But nobody celebrated. Because you’re all pussies.

So many times King James has been shafted by the collective media and fans. Too many times. An uncountable number of times. First MVP all the way back in 2008-2009 averaging 28/8/7? Eh. The next year when he put up 30 ppg on 50% shooting (something no one else in the league can lay claim to, by the way) to win back to back MVP’s? Big whoop.  First title? Couldn’t have won it without his “superteam”. Second? Chalk that one up to Ray Allen (love the guy, love the shot, but come on, guys). And then he wins his third, and all of a sudden he’s fucking legit. That’s bullshit.

I get the whole feel-good Cinderella team story, but you’ve gotta be jerking my dick off if you think that’s what made him legit. He was legit the moment he stepped on the NBA hardwood for the first time at 18 years old and scored 25 points, 9 assists and 6 boards. He was legit when he scored 48 points, including Cleveland’s last 25 points of the game, in a double-overtime playoff victory against Detroit. He was legit during all of those memorable playoff performances everyone loves to forget; Boston, Chicago, Indiana, San Antonio, OKC. He was legit in his finals wins, as well as his losses. How many players in this day and age can average a triple double in the finals against the best team the league has ever seen? Hint: fucking one, idiot. He’s been to seven straight finals (for all the illiterate 8th graders about to flame the ever living fuck out of this piece, seven is a lot) and all anyone wants  to talk about is how he’s 3-5. If I was 3-5 in the finals, I’d be happy as shit. Know why? Because I’d have three more rings than anyone reading this fucking blog. And that’s exactly what LeBron thinks, too.

To sum it up, there is no such thing as a perfect ball player. Jordan was swept twice in the first round (not to mention his massive, almost career-ending gambling addiction; What a stand up guy!) Brady lost two to the Giants and Eli Manning, aka god’s gift from heaven. Jeter, Bird, Magic, Owens, Kobe, and that lovable big-headed hick Peyton all lost at one point in their careers, but still receive their well-earned handjibbers from the lovely folks at SportsCenter.

No, there is no such thing as a basketball god. But there damn sure is a basketball king. And y’all better respect.